Sunday, August 9, 2009

A Diamond and Thorn In My Hand

I have not slept for two nights.
Assignments can really train one to be nocturnal.
Though I know I should sleep but pages in my memory just can't stop flipping.
Staring out, I watch the sunrise.
10 more hours I'm setting my foot to West Kirby.
Wonder what will be written on my next page, I wish I would know.
But, the more I think, the scars that never heal going to feel the salt.
Argh... how painful it is.
But there is no point on crying over a spilt milk.
I shouldn't have come.
I believe it would be better.
But never mind,
I've to force myself to close the memory.
Story book are my best friends.
Bring me to the fantasy land, ignoring the reality.
Sometimes I wish I could just stay there.
Not few hours, I woke up from the dreamland.
If the reality can be as beautiful as my dream, wouldn't it be perfect?
But that is just a dream.
Waking up, I on my laptop.
This is why I drew this and decorate it as my wallpaper.

Smile even though you're feeling blue.
This is the only way to keep me from thinking too much when I see and sense too much.
Though I know I am lying to myself,
But it really makes me feel much better.
Tuning my iTune, I dance,
I dance my anger,
I dance my agony,
I dance my sadness,
I dance my stupidity,
I dance everything I feel,
I feel so much better.
I walk out the room covering the pain, with dance.

Sometimes I wish I could even run,
leaving my pages of memory that I don't wish to carry with in my heart,
But I know, it is just like my shadow.
It will always be there, no matter where I go,
No matter how fast I run!
Argh... How annoying it can be!

It is because, everything that have happened left permanent footprints in my heart and my memory.
No matter how I find ways to washed it away, it is always a permanent stains.

What more can I do?
Whenever I'm not in discomfort, I seem to affect the others,

I have got no choice.
With the same position, same situation, same feeling,
I gotta turn it to something,
Which I don't feel like showing,

Though is not an easy path for me,
Neither I want to show how much I sacrifice,
Or I seem to be like a heroine,
I never seek for all these,

All I want are SMILES,
But I know I can never satisfy everyone.
No matter how much I do,
It'll never be enough,
Sometimes, it is sad to say,
But that is the fact,
that no matter what you do,
You are just not appreciated.

I am born with the heart of sensitivity,
I can detect mostly, most of the time,
Sometimes, I wish I could just born without it,
Cause the more I see, the more I wish I could be blind.
But that's not how life should goes,
I'm taking it as a challenge,
I'm fated to be in this life,
I just cant hide.
Even though people say,
Alcohol can helps,

All I can do,
All I have been doing,
All I can go as far as I can,
Till the edge,
I don't mind,
I'm making myself as flexible as possible.
For being flexible, the thorns in your hand do not hurt much.
But how true can it be?
It aches too somehow.

But, I try to forget the pain,
Does that means I'm pretending,
I don't think so.
Cause I'll find my ways,
Keeping myself alive.
Letting the diamond off but then at the same time, I feel the thorn.

So all I can do,
Is try to adapt the changes,
Watching you from afar,
Keeping you safe from falling the edge.
Once again, I'm not writing myself to be like a heroine.
It is just me.

Though I wish I could be there to share the ups and downs,
But I know, I will never be.
For I know I can never provide anymore comfort and happiness to you, my friend.
How I regret it,
How much pain for me to accept the fact,
For to me,
Is just a big failure of a friend to a friend.

However, I have never give up.
I've always try to jump as high as possible to reach your level.
Hopping that I can make it through...

But it will come to a time,

I'll get tired.
I need a break.
I'm just to tired.
I know it is not fair for you,
But I got no choice,
I really need to let loose myself a little.
For I am still a human,
Even machines need a rest.
They can break down,
What more, I'm a human.

By the end of this journey,
Each and everyone of us are going to walk on different path.
Which ever path everyone going to take,
I'll never forget,
Once, there is diamond or thorn in my hand.
For, it is already a permanent footprints in my life.
What lies beyond the horizon, no one will know.
All I know is, you're my diamond and thorn that complete my life.
(Pictures are taken from two photographers; Lam Pui Yee and Stephy Low. Thanks for their pictures to make make up my blog story. Without their pictures, there will never be inspiration.)